God Bless TiVo

Ah, my classwork is finished. Time to focus on my first love... No, not my husband. Children? Think again. My job?! Good one. It is time for me to throw myself completely into compulsive television watching! And what better time to start? Lost is all new, and I'm wondering why Jack is playing football with the Others while Charlie plots out new ways not to die on the other side of the island. Will Hugo start losing weight? And what's up with Locke's legs anyway? The Sopranos are returning FINALLY. What new self-absorbed plans will Janice have for herself? Will Tony get whacked in the end? I'm dying here! And let's not forget the finale of I Love New York this week! Chance or Tango - who do I want to win and why? Do I choose the one who tortures her

the most, or the one who she will love? Do I want Sistah Patterson to be outraged or subdued? It's all too much! What about the Amazing Race? Survivor? All My Children and weekend 90210 reruns? When will I find time to feed my kids and clean the house? TiVo should come with some sort of nanny option, I say. How can anyone be a parent with so much quality television out there? I gotta go put the kids to bed, so I can settle in with the latest episode of Rome. Catch ya later.

Ah, the Good Old Days

I came across this gem and just had to share. This was taken a few days before Hayden was born. Lucky for my husband, I was unaware he was taking the picture. Jeez, I look like I'm smuggling a keg into a dorm room. Those pants, by the way, could fit a sumo wrestler. My good friend Amy is expecting. Any time I talk to her now, I become one of those annoying women who talked to me when I was pregnant. You know, the ones who just have to tell you their stories about swollen ankles and morning sickness and back labor and epidurals and/or c-section scars and blah, blah, blah. It's like we can't stop ourselves. I think there may be an unspoken bond between mothers -- we can't wait to induct someone else into our club. Sharing those horror stories must be a women's way of saying how excited we are for each other. So Amy, it may sound all about me, but I really feel that it's all about you!

• PS: Amy, I am totally saving those pants for you!

In Case You Care...

How is this for a recent picture? This was taken yesterday afternoon. Some people in this picture may or may be still wearing the same socks they were photographed in. Just kidding. Kind of. So for those of you keeping score on milestones reached for the March boys:

• Chase can use a DVD player. Not kidding. Does this make me the world's best parent, or the world's worst parent? You may draw your own conclusions, just don't tell me what they are. Chase's favorite phrase right now: "Right this way," when he wants you to do something. This is accompanied by a hand gesture similar to Vanna White. Hysterical.
• Hayden, who chooses not to sleep through the night, is a wee bit happier during the daylight hours. This makes everyone happier during the daylight hours. He is also crawling. All over. Must hide all objects you wish to keep drool-free (cell phones and remote controls are hot items around here lately). The gates are back up. There goes my fung-shw... fung-schwe... whatever. My living room was filled with half-eaten Nilla wafers and Legos anyway.

I Need a Hero!

So after watching a near season of the NBC drama, I have had plenty of time to think of superpowers I wish I had. Do I want to read minds? See the future? Heal myself? Heck, no! Here is a list of powers this girl could really use:

• the ability to blink at a poopy diaper and have it regenerated as a fresh, dry one.
• the ability to lay a sleeping baby down at night and will him to stay that way until at least 7:30 a.m.
• power to eat as much ice cream, pizza, or mac and cheese from KFC without gaining an ounce.
• the power to create an extra Saturday whenever -- so that I can finish my homework and finish the latest episode of "I Love New York" on my TiVo.
• the ability to keep my car interior free of 6 month-old McDonald's fries, junk mail, and coffee cups.

And my personal goal/mission/dream for 2007:

• magically potty-train unwilling three year-olds!

Someone get me Mohinder Shuresh on the phone. If he can put me in touch with anyone with these truly useful abilities, perhaps I could pull a Peter Petrelli and absorb them!