Tell Me You Are Watching This TV Trash!

Alright. It turns out this is the fourth season of the prime-time phenomenon known as Dancing With The Stars. I turned on just this season (as I'm sure many 30-something women did) to watch Ian Ziering, previously of 90210 fame. And although I watched the first episode solely to see how Steve Sanders dances, I became hooked immediately -- much like a crack-addict who knows that it is completely horrible to ingest something with so many toxins. Let me tell you, there are plenty of toxins on this awful program. From Billy Ray Cyrus (the name itself toxic), to Leeza Gibbons -- and those are just the competitors! The Tuesday night elimination show could EASILY be 5 minutes in length, but it is drawn out over an hour with professional dancers and performers such as SURVIVOR. Not kidding. Eye of the Tiger, baby. Why do I watch? I cannot tell you. Honestly. I crave poopy TV. Ask my husband about my inexplicable compulsion to watch Celebrity Fit Club (Tiffany, and Marsha Brady fighting with Screetch. Are you KIDDING me?!). But that is a celeb-reality endorsement for another day. In the meantime I'll be tuned in to former boy-band idols dancing Sambas in Star Wars costumes. You think I made that up? Tune in to ABC this Monday and find out!

A Compare/Contrast Piece

Chase at 10 months old:Hayden at 10 months old: Now that I have two children, comparisons are inevitable. Here are the two subjects, each at 10 months old. Chase never sat in a high chair for more than 10 minutes -- Hayden will stay in one for hours, if occupied. Chase was happy to play alone, but Hayden must be able to touch you at all times, lest he begin wailing. Hayden has much better fine motor at 10 months, and will sleep in his crib all night (instead of Mommy and Daddy's bed), however he will wake more often. Hayden is harder to bring out of a funk. Chase was a Wiggles man, and Hayden prefers Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. They both love the remote control, cell phones, and loud noises. At 10 months, both will follow the vacuum cleaner by crawling, making it near impossible to pick up crumbs and pet hair. They are both incredibly smart (I know, I'm the Mommy, but just let me finish)-- yesterday Hayden was playing with the ceiling fan remote. He began by pushing the buttons. Then he felt the wind from above. He looked up then back down and continued to play. After a minute or so he would push a button, and then look to see what the fan would do. Repeat, repeat. I love watching the internal hamster wheel turning. Chase is using words like "under," "behind," "terrible," and my personal favorite, "imagination." Not at 10 months of course, but I can't wait to see what his little brother will be doing at 3 years old. What will I be doing then? Vacuuming in peace, naturally.

What Has YOUR Mother Taught YOU?

My own mother, who is worn out from teaching me life lessons.

My friend sent me this forward, and I had to laugh for every single one. My own mother did teach me a few of these, and I am currently teaching a few more to my boys. Absolutely RICH. Thank you, Abbynaka.

• 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
• 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
• 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
• 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
• 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
• 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
• 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
• 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
• 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
• 10. My mother taught me a bout STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
• 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
• 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
• 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
• 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
• 15. My mother taught me about ENVY . "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
• 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
• 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
• 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
• 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
• 20. My mother taught me HUMOR . "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
• 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
• 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
• 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
• 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
• 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE . "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!